George: "Yeah?" "Kramer, to an old woman: "Remember, ma'am, a vote for me, is a vote forKramer. a two-hour drive. But the really cool thing is the daily planner. "Morty: "Aw, Jerry. Darryl, with Elaine in his apartment: "Elaine, thank you for too?" I'm, I'm headin' back to New York." Keep it real! me to those Waitress, to Darryl: "Are you black? "Jerry: "With the little legs? I'll get to the other functions." Kramer retires to Florida and moves into the complex where Jerry's parents live. Ross: "Uh, George, the Susan Ross Foundation is having an event thisweekend. Saccamano, Sr. screwed me! I handed out miles an hour. them up to my non-existent place in the Hamptons. "Jerry, looking at the Wizard: "Well, your tip is four dollars and thirty-sixpoint six six six six cents. "Jerry: "It's a Wizard electronic organizer for my dad. "George: "At the funeral, give or take. Dad. I mean, I'd just like to know. "Waitress, leaving: "I'll give you a couple minutes to decide. But then Jerry: "How much are they payin' you?" See ya." "Jerry: "That's funny because I haven't seen you working for a while. So, now we're going to abunch of Spanish restaurants. That's my man. I'm running for condo president.I'd like your vote. getting your Waitress at Monk's, handing Elaine a menu: "Here you go." George, driving in the car with the Rosses: "And that leads "George: "I really don't think we're supposed to be talkin' about this. Elaine, to George: "I'm gettin' his mail." African." Darryl: "Isn't that optional?" "Elaine: "I am? "Elaine: "I told them you didn't. "Helen: "Don't eat cookies for breakfast! "Jerry: "Because a real Wizard's two hundred dollars. Kramer: "Uh, you remember my coffee table book?" Kramer: "Payoffs. Why did you make me drive all the way out here? "Morty: "Barefoot in the clubhouse? and thirty-six I mean, I'd just like to know." Yeah. boy here, he Jerry, in his parent's condo, to his father, who's in another room: George: "How much was it?" to get out there this weekend and sign the papers." Turn it down! Helen: "We don't have any feta. Ross: "Really? It's a radar detector." here's one: race." Jerry: "Kramer, what are you doing here?" Ross." A long while." Jerry goes down to Florida for his father's birthday. to move down bedroom." "George, getting 'yeah, right' glances from the Rosses: "I mean it, I'll doit! Kramer: "Mmmm, that sounds great, Mom." Jerry: "Because a real Wizard's two hundred dollars." it up. George: "What about the mail?" of Del George: "Oh." Elaine, seeing the Rosses entering Monk's: "Oh. "Old Man: "Hey, Morty, what's wrong with these tip calculators? mail?" Elaine: "What did you say?" You've helped take his mind off the condo elections." "George: "What about the mail? What are we celebrating? "Jerry: "Oh, so you need to know? He's got charisma. Or Jerry: "I can't believe this." Jerry: "It does other things!" "Kramer: "Oh, yeah! "Morty: "Daily what? I'm bettin', not over. Not hot." George, to Elaine: "What are you doin' here?" else, you, uh, you really like 'em and that's why you, you do this." How about cottage cheese and "Darryl: "Oh, it's my neighbor. couple. this baby all sewn up, huh? never said a thing! Morty: "I'll tell you what I'm looking at: the next condo president Jerry: "That's funny because I haven't seen you working for Elaine, to George: "He's still down with his folks." Darryl: "I don't feel like eating." Helen: "I'm right here." You're like the Grand Marshall of the Rose Bowl Parade. Jerry buys his father an electronic organizer; Kramer retires to Florida. "[Jerry easily opens it]Helen: "Yay! I should be buyin' you presents. Kramer: "Well, I couldn't find my shoes." George: "Well, you know, I've been lyin' about my income for Who are they running against?" Mrs. Ross: "Oh, you're George's friend." Elaine: "No, but... it is very nice to know." I handed outall the Wizards. George returns the call from the Rosses; the Foundation is having an event this weekend, but George doesn't want to attend, so he comes up with a story that he has to close on his house in the Ha… cream." Elaine: "Really?" And God forbid they should refill the water.How does 12.4% sound? Kramer, looking at the newsletter: "Hey, look at that. You don't let somebody lie when they know you're He's got charisma. These are... Jerry: "House in the Hamptons?" Once you get in that car, we are going all the way... to the Hamptons. condo board." "Kramer: "What? George, chuckling to himself: "Housewarming gift." George: "Oh, I just, uh, leased a house out in the Hamptons, a vote for Mrs. Ross: "Uh, George, the Susan Ross Foundation is having Jerry: "You know, you can put that whole schedule right in Mr. Ross: "George, we were just talking about you." "George: "Oh."Mr. "Morty: "This isn't a Wizard, it's a Willard. Should I keep driving?"Mrs. Morty: "This isn't a Wizard, it's a Willard." Kramer: "Yeah, Bob Saccamano's father." "Elaine: "Is he black? Morty: "Oooh! Ah, I gotta run, Elaine. He doesn't "Elaine: "Hey, so Kramer's running for president of the condo? who blinks Jerry: "Wizards!" people I know. Me." And I have horses, too?"Mr. And I laughed and I laughed. Here is your resource for finding exact quotes, script information, and episode play-by-plays. Waitress: "Yeah, I just worked a triple shift." Rate 5 stars Rate 4 stars Rate 3 stars Rate 2 stars Rate 1 star . George: "Well, sorry I missed that, uh, charity thing. feta cheese omelette?" And God forbid they should refill Oh, "George: "Yeah. four hours a day. Ross: "Oh, look, an antique stand. How about cottage cheese and Egg Beaters? The vast majority of Seinfeld episodes begin with Jerry on stage performing stand-up comedy in front of a hip New York audience. Kramer, immaturely: "I guess." I just left five bucks for a BLT." Preferably from the sauna in the clubhouse. "Elaine: "He is? it! George, entering Jerry's apartment: "Jerry?" no." Norman ", George, to a street vender selling hot dogs: "You must hate hot dogs, huh? Kramer: "Let's just say that I don't have to worry about working tip?" Kramer: "I told you I was retiring. "Morty: "I was never impeached! Darryl: "Average income, uh... over a hundred thousand." George, with Jerry in his apartment, on the phone: "Uh, Mrs. "Jerry, as Kramer walks by: "You're a master of race relations. You know, deep down, "George: "Yeah? George: "Should we be talkin' about this?" Morty, rushing to his bedroom: "First, I need a nap." "Jerry: "Yeah, it's all my father's doing. Elaine: "I told them you didn't. But they really IMAGE 1 of 3. Me. Let's head back." "Jerry: "Dad, I'm sorry. the solarium." You know how it is. George: "Yeah, I may move out there." It's eatin' hot dogs Morty: "You should be! Morty, in Florida, as Jerry comes out of his room, having just woken I mean, after all, you were almost my, uh... OK, I gottago. But thenwhen we win, the celebration goes all night until the break of eight p.m."Jerry: "You know, you can put that whole schedule right in your dailyplanner. Yeah. right, you wanna get nuts? But they reallywould like to know. Ross, walking by Mrs. Ross: "We're all out of lime juice. George: "Where are you gettin' a Wizard for fifty dollars?" Ross: "All right! Jerry: "She's fifty." Popular Quizzes Today. Uh, hobbies. There's no solarium. point six six six six cents." "Helen: "Mr. Kornstein died, and it's a beautiful apartment. "Elaine: "It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. the "Elaine: "Yeah. That's silly." Here, we feature every single Seinfeld episode. you. Helen: "Who wants hot chocolate?" "[when they see the waitress, who is black, all three hurriedly get out lotsof money for her tip], George, with Jerry in his apartment, on the phone: "Uh, Mrs. Ross? Morty: "Jerry, why didn't you get them Wizards?" can get that Pull over. "George: "So, they knew? When'd you get here? the water. ", George: "So... here I am. everything I've set out to do." Bring a little cream. 12 min read, 22 Sep 2003 – How could you spend two hundred dollars on a tipcalculator?! "Elaine: "Uh, I think his answering machine's broken, so I just gave up. Jerry: "Isn't he, Elaine?" I'm "[Kramer, apparently looking for something to do, mumbles to Jerry to hand hima magazine from the table]Jerry: "He wants to install Kramer in a puppet regime and then wield powerfrom behind the scenes. Jerry, George. "Jerry: "No deal. I mean, I've accomplishedeverything I've set out to do. To rule the people, "Kramer: "You remember that photo book on toy ray guns? Because you're Hispanic." African. Jerry buys his dad a $200 Wizard organizer for a birthday present. Elaine: "What black guy?" "Jerry: "Darryl. George: "Yes, two solariums. "George: "There's no house! Don't you realize this is against therules. Helen: "Jerry, it was so nice of you to come down here on your "Jerry: "Yeah, I guess. In fact, the first and second season scripts are funnier than most of the first and second season episodes, as most of the actors were still ironing out their characters, especially Jerry Seinfeld, who's a terrific comedian, but a very poor actor, (unable to keep a straight face on set). "Elaine: "Is that the right word? Kramer: "Yeah, your, uh, folks said it was for rent, so I jumped I'm calling up the Rosses and invitingthem up to my non-existent place in the Hamptons. They're upset because we're an interracial Jerry: "Hey." Thank God you can get thatdeal. George: "Oh, sure. These are...people I know. "George, hanging up: "All right, Jerry. I'm bettin', not over." "Elaine, laughing uproariously: "The Hamptons? Pull over. "[Kramer, scanning the scene, is surprised to see Morty, right next to him,staring at his face]Kramer, taping Morty's glasses: "Morty, what're you lookin' at? Kramer, to an old woman: "Remember, ma'am, a vote for me, is Good one." by rou28blk Plays Quiz not verified by Sporcle . Tomorrow's Elaine: "It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. "Elaine: "Oh. Why? Jerry: "Still no Puddy?" What did mixed." "George, entering Jerry's apartment: "Jerry? "Jerry: "Aw. "Elaine: "Oh, wow, these are nice. Elaine: "Hey." Kramer: "Oh, yeah! About you datin' a black guy? They're upset because we're an interracial couple.That is racism! Ross: "It's March. First thing is first. But I'll tell him it's fifty. staring at his face] Mr. Ross, walking by Mrs. Ross: "We're all out of lime juice. Jerry: "Ah, I'll tell him I got it on the street, and maybe "Jerry: "Ah, I'll tell him I got it on the street, and maybe it's hot. "Elaine: "Hey. "Vender: "Are you gonna buy a hot dog or not? George: "I'll tell ya, if I had one of these things, I'd be "George: "I got a message from the Rosses at work today. "Morty: "Don't worry. Morty: "So, I can use it in the restaurant to figure out the "George: "Well, sorry I missed that, uh, charity thing. felt that they blamed me for Susan's death." It's a two-hour drive.Once you get in that car, we are going all the way... to the Hamptons. What do I Jerry: "Yeah, I guess. "Morty: "This is a huge scandal! You can't run for condo president because you wereimpeached at the other condo. "Jerry: "And you can do everything with it. Darryl: "Wow, it's got so many functions." Jerry: "Dad, I'm sorry." First thing is "Kramer: "Yeah, Bob Saccamano's father. You know you can program this thing to beep every time you Now, if you'll excuse me, You know, deep down, I always kindafelt that they blamed me for Susan's death. you a fifty bucks." George, at Monk's with Jerry: "When are they gonna learn that out Darryl's... you know." Come on. "Jerry: "She's fifty. obvious reasons. a few years. Forget about all that. you were "Elaine: "What? "Jerry and George: "Aww. 30 Pics in 60: Europe 26,999; Alive at the End? Jerry, in his parent's condo, on the phone with Elaine: "So "Elaine, to the black waitress: "Long day? "Darryl: "So, we're just a couple of white people? Name, we know that. Ross: "And we always blamed you for what happened to Susan. hot dogs, huh? Mrs. Ross: "Tell us more." "Elaine: "Interracial? Darryl: "God, there are still people who have trouble with birthday present. Mrs. Ross: "Sounds grand." Let's head back. "Darryl: "Does that matter? But "Kramer: "Well, it's not really gold. George: "Let's get nuts!" Why?"Mrs. Kramer, taping Morty's glasses: "Morty, what're you lookin' they [Kramer, scanning the scene, is surprised to see Morty, right next I resigned!" You must exercise the gaskets, George. Skiing, racquetball..."Darryl: "Well, I don't do that stuff. Where's your house? "Jerry, as Kramer comes walking out in a retirement-like athletic sweatsuit:"Dad, you look so different. them?" The Butter Shave Script Lyrics. "Morty, coming into the hall: "This is the home stretch. "Morty: "You didn't have a deal? at?" Jerry: "What? Elaine: "I don't think we should be talking about this." I think George: "Do you have your bathing suits?" Darryl: "Does that matter?" George: "At the funeral, give or take. "Kramer: "Right. I'm, I'm headin' back to New York. Mr. Ross: "And we always blamed you for what happened to Susan." George: "Snoopy and Prickly Pete. "George: "Yeah, but they let me go on and on all about the Hamptons, theynever said a thing! "Darryl: "Why would you take me to a Spanish restaurant because I'm black? "Elaine: laughing awkwardly: "Oh. "Elaine, looking in her purse: "Oh, here. "Kramer: "Let's just say that I don't have to worry about working for a while.A long while. Helen: "Leave your father alone. Kramer: "Well, what about your deal, huh?" of money for her tip] "Elaine: "What? Elaine, entering Monk's with her boyfriend: "Oh, um... Darryl. we, George?" calculator." George tries to avoid Susan's parents. I've never seen you go over twenty miles an hour.You're like the Grand Marshall of the Rose Bowl Parade. You know you can program this thing to beep every time you need to takea vitamin. [Elaine laughts somewhat awkwardly] retiring." To rule the people, one... mustwalk among them. "Jerry: "Kramer, you can't live down here. They're two hundred dollars a pop. "Kramer, to a man walking by: "Cosmo Kramer. I'm running for They blast that stuff twenty Elaine: "Yeah." "Old Man: "Everyone vote for the guy in the wheelchair. If you need to find specific Seinfeld script information, you’ve come to the right location. Morty: "This is a huge scandal! Jerry: "Kramer, these people work and wait their whole lives don't think so. This episode first aired on March 19, 1998. "Jerry: "What's his last name? "Elaine, to George: "He's still down with his folks. It's a Wizard George, pulling out some money: "Uh, yeah. The polls close after dinner, three o'clock. Why would you think that?" Generously donated by: Ivy,     Ivy's Seinfeld Page. Boys, I'm George: "Speak now, or we are headed to the Hamptons. Morty, huh? When'd you get here?" [Jerry easily opens it] "Helen, coming into the condo: "Have you read today's Boca Breeze? Us?" wield power while." "George: "Where are you gettin' a Wizard for fifty dollars? Old Man, coming up to the three Seinfelds: "Hey, Morty. Come on. "Jerry: "It's 5:30 in the morning! "Waitress: "Sister? Morty, coming into the hall: "This is the home stretch. Helen: "Mr. Kornstein died, and it's a beautiful apartment." Elaine, to George: "Mm-hmm." He's black, isn't he? Darryl: "Nice meeting you. The Butter Shave Script Seinfeld. "Elaine: "I guess. Skiing, racquetball..." Polls close in one hour. George: "Yeah, but they let me go on and on all about the Hamptons, "Kramer: "Well, I couldn't find my shoes. How 'bout a But the really cool thing is the daily Waitress, leaving: "I'll give you a couple minutes to decide." Directed by Andy Ackerman. "Morty: "You should be! "Jerry, getting looks from his parents: "Not you. "Kramer: "From the grind. Morty: "Barefoot in the clubhouse? "Jerry: "Could be. It's a Wizardorganizer. It's a lie! George: "Then, why? Waitress: "Should I take that?" "Elaine: "What did you say? Do they have any cultural Kramer, reading out loud: "Candidate Cosmo Kramer caught barefoot Norman Burgerman,he won't be leavin' any tips where he is. Dad, I got you abirthday present. "George: "Well, it would be OK if Darryl was here. What's the big Jerry: "Oh, so you need to know?" "Elaine: "You think? information. Elaine: "He is?" They blast that stuff twenty four hours a day.I hate it. Morty: "We'll round down." "Darryl: "I'm black. 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